Story of her life

She went through alot, but nobody knows the full story behind everything fully. She has been trying.. Trying so hard to love herself after everything she have been through, but nobody can see it. She kept many things to herself, because there's no point sharing it. She worked so hard, so hard for herself to make her own life better and happier, but she can be pulled all the way back down all over again with just one insult from anyone. She kept quiet, but she's hurt. She always tries to think of others before her, but ended up hurting herself instead. She acted like she's alright, but the scar will always be there. She seems strong, she seems alright, but she's still feeling quite lost inside her. She's still finding ways to step out of all her fears and miseries from what she have been through. She's tired, really really tired of feeling upset again and again.

She often ask herself "why?" 

Why would anyone treat her like this when she never had any bad intention? Why do people not appreciate her? Why do people insult her? Why do people scold her all the harsh words she don't even deserve? Why does everything she do always seems wrong? Why does the things she do always pisses people off when it was meant to make them happy instead? Why does other people's life looks so complete and happy but her life is always full of sadness or just empty? Why doesn't anyone prioritize her? Why is she always the "last option"?

And also, "what has she done wrong this time round?" on repeat after every single incident.

So she built a barrier, a barrier there to make sure that nobody can hurt her anymore (or anytime so soon) 

People judge.. They judge accordingly to what they hear but not what they see, because they can't see a thing without knowing her personally. 

Maybe she's better left alone. Maybe her existence is a mistake in everyone's life. Maybe she should learn to focus on herself and her own life more. Maybe she should learn how to love herself more. Maybe she should learn to avoid people. Maybe she shouldn't even tell anyone about her life and what she have been through before at all. Maybe she's just a problem in everyone's life itself.

She wants to restart her life but she don't know where to start from and how to restart it. She wish she could wash away all the sad memories but she doesn't know how. She wish she can just find someone, the right one, and be happy with the person for the rest of her life without any unnecessary drama, but where is that person?

Just as she thought she's finally happy, things will always get in the way somehow every single time.

What did she do to deserve all these in her life when all she ever wanted was just wants to be happy?

The answer is still yet to be known.