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12 March 2018

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Remember those times when you lost someone you've loved and went home feeling empty the whole time because their presence isn't there anymore? Those times when half or more of your room that was filled with their stuffs has now became empty because they left? Those times when the back view of that particular person left you carrying all their stuffs with tears in their eyes came flashing into your mind haunting you every single day and night? Those times when you looked at all the past photos you've taken with them realising how beautiful they actually are and that you haven't really looked at them clearly for a very long time because you got so used to seeing them everyday that you didn't notice the changes in their looks anymore? Those times when you reminisce those good and happy times you've had with them and you could hear their laughter in your mind? Those times that you've regretted not loving them more and not cherishing them more before they finally decided to leave?
 
Those were the times when you realised the fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it hurts as hell. Those were the times they start prioritising others above you like their work and their bestfriends. Those were the times when you wanna start loving them all over again. Those were the times when you start yearning for all the love from them that you've once neglected. Those were the times you start missing their touch, their hugs. their love, and their presence. Those were the times when you regretted not giving them your fullest attention before everything turns out bad. Those were the times when you regretted not showing them the simplest care and concern when they needed them. Those were the times when you realised that it's too late for regrets. Those were the times you realised that playing hard-to-get doesn't make them want you more nor make them feel afraid of losing you but yet you're pushing them away instead. Those were the times when you realised that you've been taking them for granted. Those were the times when you realised that you really want them back in your arms and life and that you cannot imagine them in someone else's arms in near future. Those were the times you've realised that you cannot survive without them.
 
You start trying to gain all their attention all over again. You want to start talking to them all over again. You want to kiss them goodbye on their forehead while they're still aslp before you go to work every single morning all over again. You want to rush home to hug them at night because you missed them while you were at work all over again. You want start chasing them back to your life all over again before someone new appears and win their heart away.
 
But after all these unwanted heartbreaks and hassle of getting them back in your life, is history ever gonna repeat again? Will you start loving them more and prevent all the above from happening all over again? Because one day they will eventually get tired of going around in circle and they would stop this cycle from repeating again and again.
 
By then, it will all be the end of everything.
By then, it'll all really be too late ..
And by then, you can only appreciate their absence because you didn't appreciate their presence ... 

08 July 2017

When actions speaks louder than words

Just as you thought, "Oh wow this person has treated me like nobody has ever treated me before", you started observing the gestures and actions of this person to judge how much they really wanted you in their life and whether they would really treasure you like how they said they would. But we forgot something called time. You listened to their story of their past on how miserable they were and then you told yourself that "I could definitely give this person a better life". But then again, we've forgotten that time will change everything as well.
 
All the sweet talks, all the promises. Have you ever wondered how many times and to how many people this person has "recycled" that script before they used them on you to catch your heart? We're so naïve at times to believe that we're special to that someone; but actually, that person might have made every single person they've ever dated to feel that "special". They made you believe that you could count on them for the happiness you deserve but eventually crash them all over again like all the bullshit that other past relationship have given you, and surprise surprise, they started treating you like how they've treated their past as well!
 
It always started off with cotton candy fairy-tales you feel that you're living in a life of heaven in the beginning. Until you see that ride on a roller coaster over there, and you've decided to take a ride on it to realised that the roller coaster ride leads you to hell. And that's where you have to get back on your feet to climb yourself back to earth and start all over again.
 
Things on earth might remind us of the past that makes us cringe a little at times but we should not regret the different types of rollercoaster rides we've had because that serves us a lesson each time to never falling back to the same level of hell ever again.
 
And as for me, from those of my past that has been tested and proven many times, I can be the best thing that has ever happened in your life, or I could be your worse nightmare. But you're definitely gonna miss me when im gone.
 
I'll only get stronger after each experience.. With or without you, my life will still go on well. And whatever that's gonna happen in the future, i'll bear my own consequences.
 
 
 
Love,
Nat