Have you ever gone through those times when your world came crashing down on you for a period of time and you can't seem to find a way out, yet you got stuck in that situation for a long time going around in circles again and again because of the word "FAITH" ?
I did. I suffered. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do. I was hurt. I felt helpless and I kinda feel that everything would be hopeless if I don't do anything to save myself from all the bullshits that life has been throwing at me for that period of time. People around me giving me the same advices and I myself also know that I don't deserve such shit in my life. But.. My heart was so stubborn as fuck to the extend that I don't know how to convince myself neither. I've put in too much faith in things that aren't worth my time and effort, and eventually ended myself up into endless disappointments and even more bullshit.
I was left with no choice but to ask god for help by going to the temple to pray hoping that I could seek for some help there pinning on every single hope that I have in me (tho I'm a freethinker). Everything remained the same for quite some time. I was still suffering, taking a step at a time day by day letting my life carry on killing me inside every single day.
I woke up with a heavy heart totally not looking forward to the rest of the day every single morning and went to bed with a heavy heart totally not looking forward to the next day every single night as well. Dull was the only word to describe my life at that point of time, and it was super overwhelmed by negativity which can really make me go crazy at times. I was so confused by all the different feelings I've had inside me. Angry, Sad, Disappointed, Numb, Depressed, Worried, Furious, Hatred, Lost, Stress. These emotions lingered inside me all at once, I can't even differentiate which is which. I kept asking myself why is it so hard to be happy when what I really really want in my life is just to be happy.
I don't know if I should trust god because everything finally came to a stop some time after i prayed. My miserable life has finally came to a stop. I can finally let go of my miseries and good things started coming into my life.
I did. I suffered. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do. I was hurt. I felt helpless and I kinda feel that everything would be hopeless if I don't do anything to save myself from all the bullshits that life has been throwing at me for that period of time. People around me giving me the same advices and I myself also know that I don't deserve such shit in my life. But.. My heart was so stubborn as fuck to the extend that I don't know how to convince myself neither. I've put in too much faith in things that aren't worth my time and effort, and eventually ended myself up into endless disappointments and even more bullshit.
I was left with no choice but to ask god for help by going to the temple to pray hoping that I could seek for some help there pinning on every single hope that I have in me (tho I'm a freethinker). Everything remained the same for quite some time. I was still suffering, taking a step at a time day by day letting my life carry on killing me inside every single day.
I woke up with a heavy heart totally not looking forward to the rest of the day every single morning and went to bed with a heavy heart totally not looking forward to the next day every single night as well. Dull was the only word to describe my life at that point of time, and it was super overwhelmed by negativity which can really make me go crazy at times. I was so confused by all the different feelings I've had inside me. Angry, Sad, Disappointed, Numb, Depressed, Worried, Furious, Hatred, Lost, Stress. These emotions lingered inside me all at once, I can't even differentiate which is which. I kept asking myself why is it so hard to be happy when what I really really want in my life is just to be happy.
I don't know if I should trust god because everything finally came to a stop some time after i prayed. My miserable life has finally came to a stop. I can finally let go of my miseries and good things started coming into my life.
Out With Old, In With New
I can now finally understand this sentence using my own situation. I feel so much happier and contented with my life right now. Miseries stopped coming my way and happiness kept coming into my life one after another. How long have I not felt happy on a daily basis? Waking up and looking forward to the rest of the day with a much lighter heart and sleeping peacefully without having the need to think this and that bullshit. Kinda gotten rid of all the obstacles in my life that might make me unhappy and moved on afresh.
Thankfully, I've got my family and friends who has never left me alone and helped me to find back my smiles and laughter. Thank you all for giving me all love that u guys can offer me. And, thank you for coming into my life ♡
Thankfully, I've got my family and friends who has never left me alone and helped me to find back my smiles and laughter. Thank you all for giving me all love that u guys can offer me. And, thank you for coming into my life ♡
I really really hope my life will carry on this smoothly and continue to be as happily as now for the rest of 2017, or even better, for the rest of my life.
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