Story of her life

She went through alot, but nobody knows the full story behind everything fully. She has been trying.. Trying so hard to love herself after everything she have been through, but nobody can see it. She kept many things to herself, because there's no point sharing it. She worked so hard, so hard for herself to make her own life better and happier, but she can be pulled all the way back down all over again with just one insult from anyone. She kept quiet, but she's hurt. She always tries to think of others before her, but ended up hurting herself instead. She acted like she's alright, but the scar will always be there. She seems strong, she seems alright, but she's still feeling quite lost inside her. She's still finding ways to step out of all her fears and miseries from what she have been through. She's tired, really really tired of feeling upset again and again.

She often ask herself "why?" 

Why would anyone treat her like this when she never had any bad intention? Why do people not appreciate her? Why do people insult her? Why do people scold her all the harsh words she don't even deserve? Why does everything she do always seems wrong? Why does the things she do always pisses people off when it was meant to make them happy instead? Why does other people's life looks so complete and happy but her life is always full of sadness or just empty? Why doesn't anyone prioritize her? Why is she always the "last option"?

And also, "what has she done wrong this time round?" on repeat after every single incident.

So she built a barrier, a barrier there to make sure that nobody can hurt her anymore (or anytime so soon) 

People judge.. They judge accordingly to what they hear but not what they see, because they can't see a thing without knowing her personally. 

Maybe she's better left alone. Maybe her existence is a mistake in everyone's life. Maybe she should learn to focus on herself and her own life more. Maybe she should learn how to love herself more. Maybe she should learn to avoid people. Maybe she shouldn't even tell anyone about her life and what she have been through before at all. Maybe she's just a problem in everyone's life itself.

She wants to restart her life but she don't know where to start from and how to restart it. She wish she could wash away all the sad memories but she doesn't know how. She wish she can just find someone, the right one, and be happy with the person for the rest of her life without any unnecessary drama, but where is that person?

Just as she thought she's finally happy, things will always get in the way somehow every single time.

What did she do to deserve all these in her life when all she ever wanted was just wants to be happy?

The answer is still yet to be known.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Remember those times when you lost someone you've loved and went home feeling empty the whole time because their presence isn't there anymore? Those times when half or more of your room that was filled with their stuffs has now became empty because they left? Those times when the back view of that particular person left you carrying all their stuffs with tears in their eyes came flashing into your mind haunting you every single day and night? Those times when you looked at all the past photos you've taken with them realising how beautiful they actually are and that you haven't really looked at them clearly for a very long time because you got so used to seeing them everyday that you didn't notice the changes in their looks anymore? Those times when you reminisce those good and happy times you've had with them and you could hear their laughter in your mind? Those times that you've regretted not loving them more and not cherishing them more before they finally decided to leave?

 

Those were the times when you realised the fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it hurts as hell. Those were the times they start prioritising others above you like their work and their bestfriends. Those were the times when you wanna start loving them all over again. Those were the times when you start yearning for all the love from them that you've once neglected. Those were the times you start missing their touch, their hugs. their love, and their presence. Those were the times when you regretted not giving them your fullest attention before everything turns out bad. Those were the times when you regretted not showing them the simplest care and concern when they needed them. Those were the times when you realised that it's too late for regrets. Those were the times you realised that playing hard-to-get doesn't make them want you more nor make them feel afraid of losing you but yet you're pushing them away instead. Those were the times when you realised that you've been taking them for granted. Those were the times when you realised that you really want them back in your arms and life and that you cannot imagine them in someone else's arms in near future. Those were the times you've realised that you cannot survive without them.

 

You start trying to gain all their attention all over again. You want to start talking to them all over again. You want to kiss them goodbye on their forehead while they're still aslp before you go to work every single morning all over again. You want to rush home to hug them at night because you missed them while you were at work all over again. You want start chasing them back to your life all over again before someone new appears and win their heart away.

 

But after all these unwanted heartbreaks and hassle of getting them back in your life, is history ever gonna repeat again? Will you start loving them more and prevent all the above from happening all over again? Because one day they will eventually get tired of going around in circle and they would stop this cycle from repeating again and again.

 

By then, it will all be the end of everything.
By then, it'll all really be too late ..
And by then, you can only appreciate their absence because you didn't appreciate their presence ...